“In meditation practice the best way to get somewhere is to let go of trying to get anywhere at all,”
“The real meditation practice is life itself… how you live your life moment to moment,”
Befriending the Mind
Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), often speaks about “befriending your mind” as a radical act of love and sanity. Rather than trying to fix yourself or suppress your thoughts, he suggests a shift in how you relate to your own internal experience.
Here is a breakdown of his core philosophy on this practice:
1. Stopping the War
Most of us treat our minds like an unruly enemy that needs to be conquered. Kabat-Zinn argues that “the mind has a mind of its own”—it wanders, judges, and worries by design. Befriending the mind means dropping the struggle. Instead of fighting a thought, you acknowledge it with the same kindness you would offer a friend.
2. Radical Acceptance
He often says, “It’s not about getting anywhere else; it’s about allowing yourself to be where you already are.”
- The “Welcome Mat”: Imagine rolling out a welcome mat for whatever arises—anxiety, joy, boredom, or anger.
- Non-Judging: You observe the “chatter” without labeling it as “bad” or “good.” You are simply the witness to the weather patterns of your mind.
3. The “Inner Landscape”
Kabat-Zinn views the mind as a landscape. Just as you wouldn’t be angry at a mountain for being foggy, you shouldn’t be angry at your mind for being clouded.
- Awareness vs. Thinking: He emphasizes that while you cannot stop thoughts, you can rest in awareness of them. Awareness is the “container” that is never disturbed by the content of the thoughts themselves.
4. Befriending the Body
For Kabat-Zinn, you cannot befriend the mind without befriending the body. He teaches that the body is the “best seat in the house” for mindfulness. By anchoring yourself in the sensations of the breath or the physical body, you create a safe harbor that makes the chaos of the mind feel less overwhelming.
“Mindfulness is the process of befriending our internal experience… it’s not about ‘clearing’ the mind, but about seeing it clearly.” — Jon Kabat-Zinn
How to Practice This Today
- Acknowledge the Critic: When you notice a self-critical thought, silently say, “Ah, there you are.” This creates a tiny bit of space between “you” and the “thought.”
- Check Your Posture: Sit in a way that embodies dignity. Kabat-Zinn suggests that physical posture can actually influence your mental attitude of self-respect.
- Short Bursts: You don’t need an hour. Even 30 seconds of “checking in” with yourself as a friend can shift your nervous system.
How to practice:
- Find a quiet space and set aside time (even 3-5 minutes).
- Settle into an upright posture, using cushions to elevate hips if sitting on the floor to avoid strain.
- Bring your attention to the sensation of breathing, riding each inhale and exhale.
- When your mind drifts, notice it and gently redirect your focus back to the breath.
- Acknowledge the effort to be present as a nourishing act.